I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
