somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
