im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
did you just send me my own nude
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
