Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Mom said you looked used
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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