My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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