just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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