i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
