Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
