you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
