I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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