You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
