My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
