he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
