were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
