Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
