that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
