I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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