how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
did i just pee glitter
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
