Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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