you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
pray to the hookup gods
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
