Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
