I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
