i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
