I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
