ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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