i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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