Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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