i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
