i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
