so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You're a waste of cheezeits
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
