I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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