I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
