there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
