I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
