in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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