wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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