Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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