dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am available for nakedness
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
