They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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