just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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