please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
