even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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