ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
