I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
