if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
