That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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