dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
