mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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