I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
