Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
so much tequila, so little girl.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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